In this study I would like to examine marriage and its effects on the people involved. Since the act of marriage involves the organ of a man and the organ of a woman, we will need to examine these two organs in light of the Torah.
The Tanach[1] often compares the relationship of husband and wife to the relationship between HaShem and Israel.
Yeshayahu (Isaiah) 62:5 For as
a young man marrieth a virgin, so shall thy sons
marry thee: and as the bridegroom rejoiceth over the bride, so shall thy
G-d rejoice over thee.
This suggests that there is much to learn about HaShem by examining the marriage relationship. The first marriage, between Adam and Chava (Eve) in the Garden of Eden, is also the most instructive to teach us about how HaShem intended things to be. Since HaShem does not make mistakes, whatever was in the beginning will be in the end:
Kohelet (Ecclesiastes) 1:9 The thing that hath been, it is
that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and
there is no new thing under
the sun.
Thus we can learn some very profound things from a study of Adam HaRishon (The first Adam) before Chava was taken out of him.
Bereshit (Genesis)
There is an explanation that Rashi brings about the state of Adam immediately after his creation. Rashi indicates that initially HaShem created man as a creature with the male and female aspects combined in a single corporate entity. The story in Bereshit (Genesis) 2, of the separation of Chava, is the description of the separation of Adam's male and female aspects into two separate beings capable of facing one another.
What are we to learn from this piece of information? We are to learn that marriage is the context in which a man and a woman attempt to recreate or approximate the perfect male-female union represented by Adam.
Our tradition is adamant that man achieves perfection and completion only through marriage. The Torah tells us:
Bereshit (Genesis) 5:2 Male and female He created them, and He
called their name ‘man’.
From this we learn that the appellation man applies fully only when the male and the female are together:
Yevamot
63a R. Eleazar said: Any man who has no wife is no proper man; for
it is said, Male and female created He them and called their name Adam.
Next, we see in the Hebrew construction that HaShem does something a second time:
Bereshit (Genesis) 2:7 And HaShem G-d
formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath
of life; and the Adam became a living soul.
Thus we read that HaShem breathed
into the Adam
{which is often translated the man}
the breath of life, it was from the breath of HaShem G-d that caused AGAIN the Adam to become a living soul.
HaShem created the Adam as both male and female. Torah uses an intentionally
ambiguous word, ohtoh, him, in this pasuk. The spelling of the letters for אתו, ohtoh does not always mean him. Sometimes the same letters,
rearranged, means אות, sign.
Thus we can understand that HaShem intended us to understand both meanings. Now
we understand that אתו ohtoh is meant to mean him in this text. Yet the him
that is intended here is in reference to a future him [Adam HaSheni – The second Adam] after Chava was separated from
him [Adam]. In other words, the same letters indicate a sign. That sign was that at the usage of the word ohtoh Adam haRishon (The first) and
Chava shared the same body. That body would later be
divided. The far future revealed that in Adam
HaSheni, Mashiach, the male
and female elements would again be rejoined.
Bereshit (Genesis) 2:21-22 And HaShem G-d caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one
of his sides, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the side, which
HaShem G-d had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
The Midrash on Psalm
139 tells us explicitly about this androgynous creation:
Midrash Tehillim Psalms
139 V. You have
fashioned me behind and before (Ps. 139:5). Why is it said behind and before? Because at the
first, Adam and Eve were created as a single creature with two faces, Adam's
face in front, and Eve's in back. As Scripture says: And the Lord God built
into a woman the side (sela`) which He had taken from the man (Gen. 2:22).
Hence it is said You have fashioned me behind and before.
According to
him who maintained that sela` means "face," which of the two
faces was in front? It is likely that the face of the male was in front, since
it is taught that when they are walking together, a man should not walk behind
a woman, even if she is his wife; that if a man encounters a woman at [the
entrance to] a [narrow] bridge, he should see to it that she stand aside to let
him go first; and that a man who permits himself to follow a woman when they
are fording a stream, will have no share in the world-to-come.
R. Eliezer
taught: Adam and Eve were created as an androgyne, for it is said Male-and-female
created He them (Gen. 1:27).
R. Samuel
taught: God created man as a single creature with two faces and then split him
in two, making a back for each part.
There is a common
misconception that Chava was taken from one of Adam’s ribs. The word Tzehla {rib / side} never appears
anywhere in the Tanach as rib. The only usage for Tzehla in Tanach is as side.
(Most of the other places in Scripture tzela refers to a side, such as the side of a building, or the
tabernacle – Ex. 26.) Our sages say
that the same holds true for this passage. The correct meaning is side. Therefore HaShem took from one of his sides. In other words,
when HaShem took Chava from the Adam He took her from one of his
sides. It could not have been one of his
sides had they shared it. The reference is to his back side, after Chava was
separated from him. After the separation it was his side. Before the separation, Adam had a front side but no back
side. Chava had a front side but no back side. After the separation from the Adam both had back sides where they
had previously been joined. This process is graphically depicted by the Zohar:
Zohar Shemot 231a
Observe that at the creation of Adam the Holy One, blessed be He, made him male
and female together, female behind and male before. Then He sawed them apart
and adorned the woman and brought her to Adam; and when they were thus brought
face to face, love was multiplied in the world and
they brought forth offspring, a thing that was not yet before. But when Adam
and his wife sinned and the serpent had intercourse with Eve and injected into her his
venom, she bore Cain, whose image was in part derived from on high and in part
from the venom of the unclean and low side. Hence it was the serpent who
brought death into the world, in that it was his side
that was the cause of it.[2]
The Gemara tells us a little about the process of
separating Chava from Adam:
Sanhedrin 39a The Emperor once said to Rabban Gamaliel:
Your God is a thief, for it is written, And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man [Adam] and he slept [and He
took one of his ribs etc.] Thereupon his [the Emperor's] daughter said to him:
Leave him to me and I will answer him, and [turning to the Emperor] said: ‘Give
me a commander.’ ‘Why do you need him?’ asked he. — ‘Thieves visited us last
night and robbed us of a silver pitcher, leaving a golden one in its place.’
‘Would that such visited us every day!’ he exclaimed. ‘Ah!’ she retorted, ‘was
it not to Adam's gain that he was deprived of a rib and a wife presented to him
in its stead to serve him?’ He replied: ‘This is what I mean: he should have
taken it from him openly.’ Said she to him: ‘Let me have a piece of raw meat.’
It was given to her. She placed it under her armpit, then took it out and
offered it to him to eat. ‘I find it loathsome,’ he exclaimed. ‘Even so would
she [Eve] have been to Adam had she been taken from him
openly,’ she retorted.
Adam was therefore created as an androgynous creature that contained both male and female aspects. This is a very important understanding that will give us very keen insight into the act of marriage and it’s profound meaning for a man and woman. Adam was created without a backside:
Chagigah
15a Aher mutilated the shoots. Of him Scripture says: Suffer not thy
mouth to bring thy flesh into guilt. What does it refer
to? — He saw that permission was granted to Metatron to sit and write down the merits of Israel. Said he: It
is taught as a tradition that on high there is no sitting and no emulation, and
no back, and no weariness.
As an aside: The Luchot
(the tablets with the Ten Commandments)
which Moshe brought down from
One final idea: Consider:
This refers to the fact that male and female were created originally as one body,
back-to-back (Shocher Tov). The Midrash echoes this
thought:
Midrash
Rabbah - Genesis VIII:1 AND GOD SAID: LET US MAKE MAN, etc. (I, 26).
R. Johanan commenced [his discourse]: Thou hast formed me behind and before,
etc. (Ps. CXXXIX, 5). Said R. Johanan: If a man is worthy enough, he enjoys both worlds, for it says, ‘Thou hast formed me for a
later [world] and an earlier [world].’ But if not, he
will have to render a full account [of his misdeeds], as it is said, And laid
Thy hand upon me (ib.). R. Jeremiah b. Leazar said: When the Holy One, blessed
be He, created Adam, He created him an hermaphrodite [bi-sexual], for it is
said, Male and female created He them and called their name Adam (Gen.V, 2). R.
Samuel b. Nahman said: When the Lord created Adam He created him double-faced,
then He split him and made him of two backs, one back on this side and one back
on the other side. To this it is objected: But it is written, And He took one
of his ribs, etc. (Gen. II, 21)? [Mi-zalothaw means] one of his sides, replied
he, as you read, And for the second side (zela’) of the tabernacle,
etc. (Ex.XXVI 20).
Now lets examine the consequence of Adam’s sin by examining the sexual organs as they are depicted in Bereshit (Genesis).
Adam HaRishon was created circumcised, as it says, "G-d created man in His image ..." (Bereshit 2:5)[4].
The Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh tells us that before
Adam sinned, there was no “orlah – foreskin.”
Rav Yitzchak said, [Adam] caused his foreskin to be extended [and cover his circumcision]:
Sanhedrin 38b Rab
The profound connection between the growth of the Orlah (foreskin) and the sin of Adam is crucial to understand. For whether we are talking about "Orlat HaLev" (uncircumcised heart), "Orel S'fasaim "(uncircumcised lips), or "Orlah" from a tree (fruits of the third year), the word Orlah always implies a spiritual / physical "barrier" between man and HaShem which has to be removed.
When Adam ate from the tree, he plunged mankind into the world of physicality. By depending upon the physical world to develop himself and his relationship to HaShem, he in fact created a barrier between himself and HaShem. He hardened his heart (Orlat HaLev), he reduced his G-dly power of speech (Orel S'fasaim), he made the tree a barrier (Orlah), and abused his creative potential (symbolized by the Orlah removed by Brit Milah - circumcision).
When Avraham expressed his complete dependence on HaShem for his physical sustenance, he demonstrated his unwavering commitment to live above nature. As a consequence, he was provided with the means to remove all the Orlot that Adam's mistake had brought to mankind. This is the Brit Milah which is performed on the eighth day (eight always symbolizes the spiritual, supernatural realm, as we see through Chanukah as well).
Removing the Orlot, specifically the Orlah of Brit Milah, was an important Tikkun, or corrective measure, after eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Furthermore, Brit Milah represents a commitment to live a moral life.
The Brit Milah, or covenant with HaShem, suggests that a cut into the flesh is a sign of human/divine wholeness. The act of circumcision is the removal of the orlah or foreskin. When used in scripture the word orlah refers to a barrier in the way of a beneficial result. Adam, the first man, was born circumcised which signified his closeness to HaShem. Because Adam's sin was the failure of mankind, the foreskin, symbolizing his new separation from HaShem, became a permanent part of the human body. "Like a sheath holding a sword”, the body is a vessel containing the soul. Just as the contours of a sheath tell much about the contours of the sword within, so the body can reveal much about the condition of the soul.
When Adam had intimacy with HaShem the human body mirrored this condition. When the body had no spiritual barrier it had no orlah, but when Adam's sin caused a barrier between him and HaShem, the human body mirrored this state also.
The fig leaf serves as Adam's foreskin that he later passes on to his descendants. During the time of Abraham the human race still had the spiritual and physical foreskin, but then Abraham proved that man could surmount this sin. HaShem recognized this change in the human race's spiritual essence through Abraham, and so gave him the commandment of circumcision.
In general, the word orlah has the connotation of something that is uncontrolled. The removal of the orlah then symbolizes the idea of control. Through the act of milah one indicates that they can control the pattern of their life. Circumcision is the removal of a defilement or barrier that could restrict spiritual development.
The orlah was a result of Adam’s sin. Yet the temptation that led to the sin is directed at Chava, not at Adam. The snake approached the woman, not the man:
Bereshit (Genesis) 3:6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and
that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be
desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did
eat.
He approached her because she was the one in charge. What to eat or not to eat involves interaction with the outside world and belongs to the realm of the actualization of ideas, the domain of the female. The woman has the potential to bring reality from potential (e.g. a baby). Having weighed and considered, she made her decision and her husband followed her. After all, she was the expert on what to take from the outside world and what to reject, not he. On being confronted by HaShem, his instinctive reaction was to say,
Bereshit (Genesis)
In other words, the Torah tells us that had there been no separation between the male and female aspect of man on the spiritual level the sin would not have occurred! As a single entity the balance between the body and the soul would have enabled man to resist the temptation offered by the snake. This is the state that we need to return to. There can be no Tikkun, no correction, until we can reunite with the other half of our soul and the other half of our body. The reuniting is called The act of marriage.
The act of marriage causes the man and the woman to become one flesh, as we see in the Torah:
Bereshit (Genesis) 4:1 And Adam knew
Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man
from HaShem.
And Adam knew Eve. This means that they were united on every possible level until they became "as one flesh." Knowledge (daat) is the act of connecting with someone or something, so thoroughly that it bears fruit.
The Torah describes the mitzva of marital intimacy as onah, a response to her, implying that a man must attune himself to his wife and her desire for holiness in the marriage.
Adam HaRishon, before he sinned, had skin that was translucent like our finger nails, which incidentally, we remind ourselves of at Havdallah on Motzei Shabbat when we use the light of the fire to view our fingernails. Physical food and physical digestion were unnecessary, for Adam HaRishon, on his pre-sin level, received his life-sustaining Holy Sparks directly from HaShem through creation. Just like Moshe after he came down the mountain with his "glowing"
Furthermore, on such a level, becoming one flesh with one's wife was not physically impossible, but easy to do since the skin resembled light more than it did physical and obstructing flesh. Rashi's Peshat of such human unification taking place only through the children is a post-sin consequence, and obviously has many shortcomings.
Moreover, we see that the Jewish mystical tradition describes the union of a couple in marriage as the coming together of two half-souls. The physical union completes the expression of their total bond.
This act of becoming one flesh, or knowing creates, on a small but physical scale, what will be in the end of days. One could say, crudely, that in the act of marriage, Adam was the delivery system for the penis. What we understand from this is that the essential part of Adam, of man, is that which is inside the woman. Just as a soul is the part that is inside the body, the soul is the essential part.
When Jews marry, the woman walks seven times around the man in order to make herself into his house.
Hakham Shimshon Raphael Hirsh states that the Hebrew word for bride, kallah, means completion as in: beyom kallot hamishkan, the day the tabernacle was completed. Thus we see that the Mishkan is a representation of the body of Mashiach. It is feminine and it is the kallah, the bride.
Additionally it is well known that the woman is the undisputed ruler over her house. She determines the colors of the fabrics and the wall coverings. She arranges the furniture, and she chooses where her family is to live. In this she proves that she IS the house.
The man dwells in the house in the same way he dwells in the woman during the act of marriage. In fact, if you ask a man where is his favorite place, he will tell you that his favorite place is inside his wife while engaged in the act of marriage. Sex gives him his place. During sex, a man is in his house.
In the same way, the sperm dwells in the egg. The egg, from the woman, is the house and the sperm, from the man, is the dweller in the house, as we can see from the following graphic:
This explanation is all well and good, but what does it mean? The meaning is as profound as you can possibly imagine! Consider the following pasukim:
Bereshit (Genesis) 3:16 Unto the woman he
said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou
shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he
shall rule over thee.
Romans 8:1-8 There is therefore now no condemnation to
them which are in Mashiach Yeshua,
who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit
of life in Mashiach Yeshua hath made me free from the law
of sin and death. 3 For what
the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, G-d sending his
own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the
flesh: 4 That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk
not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. 5 For they that are after the flesh
do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is
death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal
mind is enmity against G-d: for it is not subject to the law
of G-d, neither indeed can be. 8 So then they that are in the flesh cannot
please G-d.
This leads us to the
following understanding: Adam, as an androgynous being,
had a feminine body and a masculine soul. I say
that he was androgynous in both body and soul, but, the male dominated the soul
and the female dominated the body. In the act of marriage, man becomes the soul
and woman becomes the body. This has profound
implications!
We find that many mitzvot are commanded solely to the man, while others are the domain of the woman: a husband and wife, our sages explain, embody the two halves of a single soul; the deeds of each contribute to their common soul's fulfillment of both the masculine and feminine elements of its mission in life.
Consider also that
the body of Mashiach is feminine and will be the
bride of HaShem. Now we know that Mashiach has a bride too. This means that
Mashiach ben David will become the second Adam when he
mates with Israel his bride:
I Corinthians
As the first man was
androgynous (having the characteristics of both male
and female), so the last Adam will be androgynous. This androgynous Adam
will then become the bride of HaShem:
Yehezekel
(Ezekiel) 16:3-13 And say, Thus saith the Lord HaShem
unto Jerusalem; Thy birth
and thy nativity is of the
When HaShem marries
His bride, she will be His House and He will dwell
in her. He will be the soul and she will be the body,
so to speak. Thus Hakham Shaul speaks of a progression:
I
Corinthians 11:2-3 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember
me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 3 But I would have you
know, that the head of every man is Mashiach; and
the head of the woman is the
man; and the head of Mashiach is
HaShem.
Thus we have Adam (male) and Chava (female), representing
men and women, uniting in marriage. These are
combined to form Israel which leads to the marriage
of Mashiach (male) and Israel (female). The marriage
of Mashiach (male) and Israel (female) will create the bride of HaShem, which
will unite in the marriage of Mashiach (female) and HaShem (male). So, in the end
we will have returned to the beginning: The last Adam
walking with HaShem in Gan Eden as husband and wife.
It is fundamental to the intimate relationship between them, that man is the giver and woman the receiver.
Man and woman were created different from each other. In the reproductive process, HaShem created man as a giver, that is to say that he takes his seed and gives it to a woman. From the aspect of procreation on the woman's side, she is a receiver. She receives man's seed and she forms it into a living being, a baby. Therefore, in this aspect man is likened to a giver, and the woman to a receiver.
This comparison can also be made between HaShem and the Jews. In this relationship, HaShem is a giver, and the Jewish people the receiver, since HaShem gave the Torah to the Jews, and the Jewish people received it. Therefore, the reason why HaShem is referred to as a He (male or masculine terminology), is because it is relating to the giver aspect which is masculine. Corresponding to this, whenever HaShem is referred to as in the masculine as the giver, the Jewish people are referred to in the feminine since they are the receivers!
One of the keys to
understanding the mystical implications of a man dwelling in the woman is the understanding of the meaning of seed.
Chazal teach us that
seed is merely a small package which contain the
memories of the creation that created the seed. This means that if a man can
properly control his thoughts when he launches his seed, then he can greatly
improve the child he is conceiving! This not an easy thing, but it is much
easier that trying to fix up the child after he is born!
Now that we have an
understanding of Adam HaRishon as an androgynous being,
we can begin to understand another very profound concept: Man’s sin is removed through various atonements,
including Yom HaKippurim, the day of the atonements.
A woman’s sin is removed through the atonement of the act of marriage.
When a woman has sex
with her husband, she gives him her sins and thereby achieves atonement.
How can this be?
This concept is best
understood by seeing the man as the soul and woman as the body. When a person
sins, the sin is performed by the body, yet the soul is
sullied because the soul caused the body to perform the sinful act. The Talmud illustrates this beautifully:
Succah
53 Antoninus said to Rabbi
Hakham Shaul tied
the two into
one so that we could see that they are judged as one[5]:
1
Corinthians 6:16-20 Have you not known that he who is joined to a
prostitute is one body [with her]? For, says he [Adam] "they shall become
one" (Genesis 2:24). 17 And he who is joined to the Master is one in
spirit; 18 Flee therefore prostitution; every sin, that a man may commit is
without the body, but he who is committing prostitution, against his own body
does sin. 19 Have you not known that your body is a sanctuary
of the Spirit of Separation in you, which you have from God? and you are not
your own, 20 for you were bought with a price; glorify, then, G-d in your body
and in your spirit, which are G-d's.
This passage teaches:
1. That a man who has sex with a woman becomes one with her in body and spirit.
2. That said man, must then atone for the sins of the woman he has slept with as when he has become one with her, her sins are now upon him by virtue of becoming one with her.
3. That before a man has sex with a woman he should be aware that there is a price to pay, her sins now become his sins!
4. That therefore, a woman's sins are atoned as far as she is concerned by the act of having sexual relations with a man.
5. That the sexual act brings forgiveness to the woman and a woman who has no regular sex with a man is therefore laden with much guilt and unforgiven sin.
6. That it is a great act of kindness on the part of a man to have regular sex with his wife, as he has to seek forgiveness and atonement not only for his sins but also those of his wife, provided that he has sex regularly with her.
7. Man's relationship to HaShem, therefore, must be constant with Him, since he is responsible not only for his sins but those also of the woman he is having sex with.
8. This principle also touches on the idea that in intimate
relationships both goodness and blessings are shared.
Consider also the mashal, example, we have in the atonements
of Yom HaKippurim, the day of atonements. In this
once a year celebration, the Kohen Gadole, the High
Priest, goes into the Holy of Holies to make atonement for the sins of Israel. Now, the Holy of Holies is a mashal for a bedroom. It is the inner room of The House,
the Beit HaMikdash, The House
of The Holy One. Intimacy is the primary function of this very private
inner room. We learned in our study of the Temple,
that the Temple is a physical edifice which represents the feminine body of the Bnei Yisrael, the
children of Israel. The Temple represents the bride. The Holy of Holies would,
therefore, represent the womb. The blood, with the life in it, would represent
the sperm. The cloud of incense would represent the
seminal fluid. The repeated trips made by the Kohen Gadole would represent HaShem
in the act of marriage, the intimacy which leads to rebirth. The Temple,
therefore becomes the place where HaShem dwells. This
intimacy results in the atonement of the sins of
the bride, the Bene Yisrael.
Thus
we see that the body and soul, the man and the woman, are
judged only when together.
The soul takes the
sins of the body and makes atonement for them. Thus the woman achieves atonement
through the act of marriage. The man takes on the sins of his wife, his dwelling/house/body,
and makes atonement for the whole man, body and soul.
There is a sequence of verses in Bereshit 2;16 - 18, where we find the following:
v16: "And the L-rd G-d commanded Man, saying 'You may eat from all the trees of the Garden;' "
v17: " 'But of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil you may not eat, for on the day that you eat from it, you will surely die;' "
v18: "And the L-rd G-d said, 'It is not good that Man should be alone; I will make for him a helper to match him;' "
We see that "trouble" began for Man only after his "helper" was provided to him. Lest the previous sentence be misunderstood, let us immediately examine its meaning.
Somehow, according to the Midrash, Man had been created in a bisexual form. His Evil Inclination, though present, was virtually powerless. The only Torah he needed then was the double prohibition against eating from the Tree at the center of the Garden of Eden. All the rest of the Torah was implicit and undifferentiated within these commands.
Once the Original Man became Adam and Chava, Man and Woman, the situation was radically altered. The Evil Inclination was ready to assume a powerful position within the psyche of the human being. The Torah was ready to be differentiated into the 613 commands of the Torah, and to be further defined and refined by the Oral Torah.
The message of Parshat Haazinu (Deuteronomy 32:1 - 32:52) is that we, the Jewish people will ultimately succeed in integrating our collective soul through the exercise of our free will through human history.
Thus at the end of days we will make our appearance as an integrated spiritual entity that stretches from one end of existence to the other; thus the source of our collective being can legitimately be described as the point of our collective soul that connects with HaShem. Thus our spiritual wounds suffered through history are all located in the outer extremities of this collective spiritual being. Our internal organs are free and clear of spiritual disease. As this is the case, all our spiritual wounds are shallow and easily healed.
In the ordinary course of our lives we cannot function as integrated souls. HaShem created us to struggle with the evil inclination, to overcome death by conquering this enemy. In this sphere of existence, the spiritual wounds that result from our sins can only be viewed as inner wounds. All of them cut deep and they are all difficult to heal. At this level, the healing power of repentance will only prove effective if it is sufficiently powerful to be able to heal the deepest spiritual trauma. Most of us are unable to generate such powerful medicine through our repentance.
Knowing this, HaShem allowed us to anticipate the future once a year, and allowed us to appear before Him as the integrated spiritual entities that we shall ultimately be. For the song of Moses in Parshat Haazinu teaches us that, collectively, the Jewish people will eventually attain this level of being. As all of us Jews draw our individual life force and spirituality from this collective, which is already visible before HaShem as an integrated spiritual entity, He deemed it just to regard us all in this manner one day a year. When we are seen in this light, the deep spiritual traumas we have inflicted on ourselves by the sins we have committed throughout the year assume the non-threatening aspect of shallow flesh wounds.
The power of our repentance may be inadequate to correct the trauma inflicted on the inner organs vital to spiritual life, but it is more than enough to apply the spiritual bandages that are sufficient to close shallow flesh wounds.
But we must first sing the song of Haazinu to be able to fit ourselves into Yom HaKippurim.
As individuals, we do not necessarily appear at the end of
days as integrated souls that connect to HaShem. Who can say whether we will
emerge victorious from our private individual battle with the evil inclination?
But if we never manage to attain the peak of spiritual height in our individual
capacity, we may have no individual spiritual future to draw on. It is only by
identifying ourselves as extremities of the Jewish
people, drawing our spiritual life force from the Jewish collective that we
merit being seen in the present as integrated spiritual beings who stretch to the very highest
pinnacles of being. It is only thus that the puny power of our repentance is
adequate to heal our gaping spiritual wounds.
Y Y Y
Torah commands us to marry and to have children. Torah clearly encourages the viewpoint that men and women do better, emotionally and spiritually, when married rather than single. In fact, it can be argued that the Torah sees men as having a greater need for the protection and nurturance of marriage than do women. Thus, for men, marriage is not only advised but is an absolute commandment. This is commandment #213 in the Rambam’s listing of the 613 commandments ("mitzvot").
Surely, women's clearer understanding of HaShem‘s will is reflected in her approach to sexuality. She has been granted a natural ability to appreciate marital intimacy as holy and divine. Therefore, the merely physical is often not sufficient for her. In order to function as a total woman, she must feel that intimacy is more than a physical act. It must involve her soul and provide her with deep emotional fulfillment.
The 11th century commentator, Rashi, explains that women
have a greater potential for sexual desire than men (Genesis
The conception of sexuality as a holy function requires that it be carried out within the context of guidelines established by HaShem. These guidelines, the whens and when nots of Taharat HaMishpachah, follow a woman's own natural rhythms and inclinations and reflect her desire for both privacy and individuality, closeness and love.
Taharat HaMishpachah is the secret of Jewish femininity. It
provides a couple with a divinely ordained framework showing them how to relate
to each other and express and build their love and devotion. On this sturdy
foundation, they can construct a superstructure of family and home. The study
of these ideas and their application within the context of our lives will help
each of us discover insights which are old, for they were given by HaShem on
TELL ME RABBI - ENCIRCLING THE GROOM by Rabbi Philip Heilbrunn
It is customary in many communities for the bride to be escorted around the groom under the Chupah either seven or three times. Several meanings, each adding to the significance and relevance of the practice, are ascribed to this custom.
There is a passage in the Prophet Jeremiah (31:21) which describes a future time when relationships between men and women will be reversed "For the Lord will create a new regime in the world - the woman will court the man. The word implies both the concept of courting and also means to go around. There is also a concept of the encircling being symbolic of the bride creating a "wall" around her husband, creating an intimacy and exclusivity within their relationship, "just the two of us, and nobody else.." [as the sixties song goes]. The "wall" serves to protect their relationship and keep outside desires and influences at bay. This concept is alluded to in the Song of Songs (8:11) "I am a wall and my breasts are as towers, then would I be in his eyes as a harbinger of peace". This combines with the assertion in the Talmud (Yevamot 62b) that "whoever lives without a wife, lives without a (protective) wall". Our Rabbis regard the wife as being instrumental in raising her husband's ethical and spiritual level, shielding him from outside temptations. By creating and entering this enclosed intimate area, bride and groom achieve the status of a "couple" within the society, a new family with its own identity, and with its intimacy and independence walled off from the rest of the community.
The commitment of the Bride and Groom to each other and the intimacy and exclusivity of their relationship is also expressed in the verse "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Before marriage, the primary focus of the bride and groom was to their parents. By encircling her husband the bride draws an imaginary line enclosing their relationship shifting the primary focus and commitment to their newly created intimacy, the new centre of their life, while leaving parents, still entitled to love and respect, but outside the circle. The Torah legislates three basic obligations of a husband to his wife - to clothe her, provide for her sustenance and conjugal relations. These are symbolized by those whose custom it is for the bride to make three circuits. Others see the three circuits as representing the three expressions of consecration of G-d to the Jewish people: "And I will consecrate you to me forever; and I will betroth you to me in righteousness and justice; and I will consecrate you to me in faithfulness, and know the Lord" (Hosea 2,21-22). This verse is recited by men when winding the straps of the tefillin around their fingers.
In the same way as we consecrate our relationship to HaShem dedicating ourselves to that celestial ideal, here on earth we equally consecrate our life dedicating and committing ourselves to our new partner. The seven circuits evoke a mystical message relating to the seven revolutions of the earth (a revolution of the earth is one day) during Creation. Marriage is seen as a Creative process emulating aspects of G-d's Creation which occurred in seven days. The comparison of marriage to the Creation is also used to explain the groom's aufruff (the shabbat before the wedding). G-d is reputed to looked into the Torah for the plan of the Universe he was about to Create.
Similarly the groom looks into the Torah when he plans the Creation of his new world. By circling him seven times, the bride brings her contribution as and indispensable partner in establishing this 'world'. Each are as hemisphere's, an incomplete world until they combine to establish a unified whole.
Finally, one can
understand that the pleasures of the act of marriage are given by HaShem to
encourage a behavior which is tov, beneficial, for all concerned. The climax of
this union is a profound sense of arrival. This
is the pleasure of the Olam HaBa, the world to come.
The pleasure of the Olam HaBa is the sensation of arrival, of being there.
Thus we would say that the pleasure of sex is a taste of the Olam HaBa!
There is much to be
learned by studying the body, as it says in Iyov (Job):
“In my flesh I see God!”
Y Y Y
This study was written by Hillel ben David
(Greg Killian).
Comments may be submitted to:
Greg Killian
1101 Surrey Trace SE
Tumwater, WA 98501
Internet address: gkilli@aol.com
Web page: http://www.betemunah.org/
(360) 584-9352
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[1] An acronym for Torah, Neviim, and Ketuvim, (the law, the prophets, and the writings) the three parts of the so called Old Testament. This is what Yeshua called the Old Testament.
[2] See Shabbat 146a, Yevamot 103b Avodah Zarah 22b
[3] Talmud Yerushalmi Shekalim 6:1.
[4] Avot d'Rav Nossan 2:5
[5] This ection comes from Hakham Dr. Yosef ben Haggai.