A Jewish Wedding
By Hillel ben David (Greg Killian)
A Jewish Wedding
By Hillel ben David (Greg Killian)
What is a Jewish wedding like?
Many marriages were arranged by parents from the
time that their children were infants. Others, however, went through the
following process: At marrying age, the young man might be attracted to a young
woman, or his parents might have chosen an appropriate bride for him. The
procedure could be followed by one of three different parties: the father making the arrangements
for his son, as Samson's father did for him:
Shoftim (Judges) 14:1-10 Samson went
down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. When he returned, he
said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah;
now get her for me as my wife." His father and mother replied, "Isn't
there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must
you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a
wife?" But Samson said to his father, "Get her for me. She's the
right one for me (His parents did not know that this was from HaShem, who was seeking an occasion to confront the
Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over
An agent working on behalf of the father, as Eliezer
did on behalf of Avraham:
Bereshit (Genesis) 24:1-67 Abraham was
now old and well advanced in years, and HaShem had blessed him in every way. He
said to the chief servant in his household, the one
in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to
swear by HaShem, the God of heaven and the God of
earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the
Canaanites, among whom I am living, But will go to my country and my own relatives
and get a wife for my son Isaac." The servant
asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this
land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"
"Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said.
"HaShem, the God of heaven, who brought me out
of my father's household and my native land and who
spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I will give
this land'--he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my
son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will
be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there."
So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an
oath to him concerning this matter. Then the servant took ten
of his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from
his master. He set out for
The bride was chosen by the son’s father or by the
young man himself. For illustration's sake, an example of the last possibility
will be used.
A young man went to the home of his potential
bride-to-be. He carried three things with him: a large
sum of money in order to pay the price for his bride, a betrothal
contract called a Shitre Erusin, and a skin of wine. Of course, anyone arriving
with these things would immediately be under suspicion. The man approached the
girl's father and older brothers. The contract was laid out, and the
bride-price was discussed. Finally, a glass of wine was poured. If the father
approved, then the maiden was called in. If she also approved, then she would
drink the wine. In doing so, she committed herself to this man, agreeing to
follow the contract that now was a legal document between the two.
They would be called husband and wife at this time, and their union could only
be dissolved by a divorce. However, their status was that of betrothed, rather
than that of fully married.
After the wine had been drunk, the man made the
statement that he would go to his father's house and prepare a place for her.
This place is known as chadar (chamber), sometimes referred to as chupah (or
honeymoon bed with a canopy). From the time that the
Shitre Erusin was ratified, the young woman was consecrated, kiddushin - set
apart to her husband. She has been bought with a price.
I Corinthians
I Corinthians
She must spend her time preparing to live as a wife
and mother in
Meanwhile, the young man returned to his father's
home, and the chadar goes under construction. The young Jewish bridegroom would
make the following speech as he was leaving:
Yochanan (John) 14:2-3 In my
Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am
going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for
you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I
am.
The room is provided with every comfort, as they
will retire here for one week following their wedding ceremony. We see this seven day period in:
Bereshit (Genesis) 29:22-28 So Laban
brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening
came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob,
and Jacob lay with her. And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter
as her maidservant. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban,
"What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why
have you deceived me?" Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to
give the younger daughter in marriage before the
older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the
younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." And Jacob
did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter
Rachel to be his wife.
and in:
Shoftim (Judges) 14:10-18 Now his
father went down to see the woman. And Samson made a feast there, as was
customary for bridegrooms. When he appeared, he was given thirty companions.
"Let me tell you a riddle," Samson said to them. "If you can
give me the answer within the seven days of the feast,
I will give you thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes. If you can't
tell me the answer, you must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of
clothes." "Tell us your riddle," they said. "Let's hear
it." He replied, "Out of the eater, something to eat;
out of the strong, something sweet." For three
days they could not give the answer. On the fourth day, they said to Samson's
wife, "Coax your husband into explaining the riddle for us, or we will
burn you and your father's household to death. Did
you invite us here to rob us?" Then Samson's wife threw herself on him,
sobbing, "You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a
riddle, but you haven't told me the answer." "I haven't even
explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I
explain it to you?" She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the
seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in
turn explained the riddle to her people. Before sunset on the seventh day the
men of the town said to him, "What is sweeter than honey? What is stronger
than a lion?" Samson said to them, "If you had not plowed with my
heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."
The young man, if asked when the day of his wedding
will be, replies, "No man knows except my
father." In
The groom secured two close
friends to assist him in securing his bride and during the actual ceremony.
These two are known as "the friends of the bridegroom." They
functioned as the two witnesses required for a Jewish wedding. One of them was
to assist the bride, and to lead her to the ceremony, while the other was
stationed with the groom. He performed a special task when the couple retired
into the chadar after the ceremony.
During the ceremony, known as Kiddushin, a second
contract was brought forth called a Ketubah. This marriage
contract was witnessed by the friends of the bridegroom and turned over to
the parents of the bride. It contained the promises that the groom pledged to
his wife.
When a couple gets married under the chuppah, the
husband proclaims to his wife, harei at mekudeshes li, “behold you are betrothed to me,” as he places the ring on her finger. It is with these words and his
action that he accomplishes what is called kiddushin (betrothal), which
comes from the Hebrew word that means holy and
separate. Marriage sanctifies the relationship by making it exclusive. You are
no longer “available;” you are mine and I am yours.
The ceremony was very much like the Jewish wedding
of today. As at all weddings, focus was centered on the bride and groom. For
this one day they were looked at as king and queen. Every effort was taken, and
every possible expense was made to insure their joy. On this day, tradition says, their sins are
forgiven. They stand pure, without spot or blemish as they are united.
Ephesians 5:25-32 Husbands, love your wives,
just as Mashiach loved the church
and gave himself up for her To make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, And to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this
same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Mashiach does
the church-- For we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will
leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound
mystery--but I am talking about Mashiach and the church.
Following the ceremony, the bride and groom entered
the chadar. Here the groom gave gifts to the bride:
Bereshit (Genesis) 34:12 Make the
price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I'll
pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the girl as my wife."
Bereshit (Genesis) 24:53 Then the
servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave
them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother.
The couple spent seven days
under the chupah, or literally in the chamber. The friend of the bridegroom
stood at the door. All the guests of the wedding assembled outside, waiting for
the friend of the bridegroom to announce the consummation
of the marriage, which was related to him by the groom:
Yochanan (John) 3:26-30 They came to
John and said to him, "Rabbi, that man who was with you on the other side
of the Jordan--the one you testified about--well, he is baptizing,
and everyone is going to him." To this John replied, "A man can
receive only what is given him from heaven. You
yourselves can testify that I said, 'I am not the Mashiach but am sent ahead of
him.' The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the
bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the
bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become
greater; I must become less.
At this signal, great rejoicing broke forth in a
week long celebration, until the two emerged from the chupah to begin the
actual wedding feast.
Revelation 19:4-9 The twenty-four elders and the four
living creatures fell down and worshiped God, who was seated on the throne. And
they cried: "Amen, Hallelujah!" Then a voice came from the throne,
saying: "Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both
small and great!" Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like
the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
"Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad
and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has
made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear."
(Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.) Then the angel said
to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of
the Lamb!'" And he added, "These are the true words of God."
The other friend of the bridegroom, the one assigned
to the bride, is seen in Shemot (Exodus)
19, as Moses leads Israel, the bride of the Messiah, to meet her God at
Yirimiyah (Jeremiah) 2:2-3 "Go and
proclaim in the hearing of Jerusalem: "'I remember
the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the desert, through a land not sown.
Israel was holy to HaShem, the firstfruits
of his harvest; all who devoured her were held guilty, and disaster overtook
them,'" declares HaShem.
Even as the first trump (shofar)
announced the betrothal, so the last trump announced the wedding. In Tehillim (Psalms) 45 we are brought to
the biblical portrayal of not only the wedding of the Mashiach
but also his coronation. The guests are assembled,
and gifts are distributed:
Tehillim (Psalms) 45:1-17 {For the
director of music. To [the tune of] "Lilies." Of the Sons of Korah. A
<maskil.> A wedding song.} My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I
recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of
a skillful writer You are the most excellent of men and your lips have been
anointed with grace, since God has blessed you forever. Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty. In your majesty ride forth
victoriously in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness; let your right hand display awesome deeds. Let your sharp arrows pierce
the hearts of the king's enemies; let the nations fall beneath your feet. Your
throne, O God, will last forever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the
scepter of your kingdom. You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions by anointing you
with the oil of joy. All your robes are fragrant with myrrh
and aloes and cassia; from palaces adorned with
ivory the music of the strings makes you glad. Daughters of kings are among
your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.
Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your father's
house. The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.
The Daughter of
The following passage shows the glory of the bride
and groom bedecked in all their wedding finery:
Yeshayah (Isaiah) 61:10 - 62:5 I delight
greatly in HaShem; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with
garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of
righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign HaShem
will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations. For
It is interesting to note that the only time, in
Luqas (Luke), that Yeshua speaks of the bridegroom is
just before the second Sabbath of Pesach week in:
Luqas (Luke) 5:30-35 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged
to their sect complained to his disciples, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and ‘sinners’?"
Yeshua answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the
sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."
They said to him, "John's disciples often fast and pray,
and so do the disciples of the Pharisees, but yours go on eating
and drinking." Yeshua answered, "Can you make the guests of the
bridegroom fast while he is with them? But the time
will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; in those days they will
fast."
A chupah is:
2646 chupah, khoop-paw';
from 2645; a canopy:-chamber, closet, defense.
This word, chupah, is used in only a few places in
scripture:
Tehillim (Psalms) 19:1-5 {For the
director of music. A psalm of David.} The heavens
declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after
day they pour forth speech; night after night they
display knowledge. There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their
words to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has
pitched a tent for the sun, Which is like a
bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing to
run his course.
Yoel (Joel)
Yeshayah (Isaiah) 4:1-6 In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, "We
will eat our own food and
provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name.
Take away our disgrace!" In that day the Branch of HaShem
will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and
glory of the survivors in Israel. Those who are left
in
It is from here that our sages understood that this
is exactly what happened when the children of
Shemot (Exodus) 13:17-22 When Pharaoh
let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine
country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they
might change their minds and return to
Our sages understood that the cloud first covered
the Israelites at Succoth after they left Ramases.
So, Succoth was aptly named by this event.
Our sages therefore see this as the betrothal:
Vayikra (Leviticus) 22:32-33 Do not
profane my holy name. I must be acknowledged as holy by
the Israelites. I am HaShem, who makes you holy And
who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am
HaShem."
The Sfat Emet[1]
said that this verse should be translated as:
Vayikra (Leviticus) 22:32-33 I shall be
holy in the midst of the Children of Israel; I am
Hashem, Who betrothed you while taking you out from the
land of Egypt to be for you a God; I am Hashem.
6942 qadash, kaw-dash'; a
prim. root; to be (causat. make, pronounce or observe as) clean (ceremonially
or morally):-appoint, bid, consecrate, dedicate, defile, hallow, (be, keep)
holy (-er, place), keep, prepare, proclaim, purify, sanctify (-ied one, self),
x wholly.
So, a betrothal is a
kiddushin. The Encyclopedia Judaica
indicates that a betrothal was a two step process. The
betrothal, erusin or shiddukhin, was followed by the kiddushin.
The only time that the word "betroth" is used in relation to HaShem and
Hoshea (Hosea) 2:16-20 "In that
day," declares HaShem, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no
longer call me 'my master.' I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field and the
birds of the air and the creatures that move along
the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the land, so that all
may lie down in safety. I will betroth you to me
forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and
compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge
HaShem.
Betroth 781 'aras, aw-ras'; a prim.
root; to engage for matrimony:-betroth, espouse.
It is interesting to note that this was close in
time to when Israel is first called a congregation
(community) or church:
Shemot (Exodus) 12:1-3 HaShem said
to Moses and Aaron in
At the wedding the bride and bridegroom are
consecrated (kiddushin) with these words:
"By this ring you are consecrated to me in
accordance with the law of Moses and
Note the similarity to this passage:
Shemot (Exodus) 19:9-15 HaShem said to Moses, "I am going to come to you in
a dense cloud, so that the people will hear me speaking with you and will
always put their trust in you." Then Moses told HaShem what the people had
said. And HaShem said to Moses, "Go to the people and consecrate them
today and tomorrow. Have them wash their clothes And
be ready by the third day, because on that day HaShem
will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people. Put limits
for the people around the mountain and tell them, 'Be careful that you do not
go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall
surely be put to death. He shall surely be stoned or shot with arrows; not a
hand is to be laid on him. Whether man or animal, he shall not be permitted to
live.' Only when the ram's horn sounds a long blast
may they go up to the mountain." After Moses had gone down the mountain to
the people, he consecrated them, and they washed their
clothes. Then he said to the people, "Prepare yourselves for the third
day. Abstain from sexual relations."
Curiously, this is the first time that the Torah
uses this word regarding His people. He used this term in Bereshit (Genesis) to
describe the seventh day, and he used it to describe
the firstborn at Pesach.
Before the wedding the groom required three days to prepare, according to the encyclopedia
Judaica.
Selected Essays:
SHABBAT SHALOM: We're b-a-a-c-k!
By Rabbi Shlomo Riskin
"And
you will I scatter among the nations, and I will draw out the sword after you;
and your land shall be a desolation, and your cities a waste." (Lev.
26:32)
The
relationship between God and
The
problem with these words is that we would like to believe that our relationship
to God is an eternal one, yet divorce statistics suggest that contemporary
marriage is more temporary than permanent. Furthermore, add to this fact the biblical law which forbids a husband from taking back a
wife who has committed adultery, and our metaphor slams the door on the return
of Israel to her Husband in Heaven after having been
involved in foreign entanglements!
What
we must do - as indeed the Bible does - is to add to our symbol of husband and
wife a second metaphor: the unique bond between the Israelite and the
One
of the Torah's major motifs, constantly repeated in our prayers,
benedictions and festivals, is the incomparable
relationship between the Jewish people and the Land.
Every significant prayer, from the daily Amida to the Grace After Meals, serves as an occasion on which we
emphasize the tie between the land and the people, the people and the land.
Israel is a part of the very air we've been breathing
during our almost 2,000-year exile. After all, what
better way to keep alive the dream of
The
relationship between the land and the people has a parallel in the relationship
between husband and wife. For example, the people have obligations to the land,
(the Sabbatical shmita year, when the land must lie
fallow, and various prohibitions of mixed plantings, etc.), just as a husband
has obligations towards his wife for food, clothing,
and conjugal rights. In the sexual relationship, a wife "gives"
herself to her husband, and the land "gives" its produce to the
people. The word used for entering the land, ki tavo
(Deut. 26:1) comes from the same verb used for sexual
intercourse, biya. Regarding the jubilee year,
the Torah specifically says that in the 50th year, the land is sanctified, and
sanctification (kiddushin) is the precise mishnaic
term for betrothal.
BETRAYAL
between husband and wife results in divorce, and betrayal between the people
and the land also results in divorce - exile. Hence the
Torah portion, Behukotai, is known for its
chastisements, and at its climax, the Torah delineates what will happen if the
people don't keep the land's sabbaticals: "And
your land shall be a desolation, and your cities shall be a waste. Then shall
the land be paid back her [disregarded] sabbaticals."
(Lev. 26:34)
Rashi
even calculates that the seventy years of Babylonian exile correspond to the
number of sabbatical and jubilee
years ignored by the people during their 430-year presence in the land. The
land will insist on being paid.
However,
just as the jubilee year guarantees that individual parcels of land are
eventually returned to their original owners and so the land becomes redeemed, similarly does the Bible guarantee that
ultimately the
Thus
the sting of the curses is ameliorated by the eventual affirmation: "Then
shall I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac
and so also my covenant with Abraham will I
remember; and I will remember the land." (Lev. 26:42-43) These verses
reflect not only return but forgiveness. The metaphor of the land holds the
possibility of repentance - and therefore redemption.
The
reading from the prophets (Jeremiah 32) gives this idea practical significance.
Jeremiah is the prophet of doom, who must foretell the destruction of his
beloved Jerusalem, and the exile of his errant nation.
In the midst of his tear-drenched elegies, his uncle Hanamel asks him to redeem
his ancestral land in Anatot, outside
At
first glance, Jeremiah's action defies all logic! How can the prophet who
foresees
But
Jeremiah's action is the ultimate expression of Jewish faith that the
relationship between the people to the land is eternal.
Jeremiah demonstrated by his purchase and "redemption" that it's only
a a question of time before the "children shall come back to their own
border" (Jer. 31:16), and that "there will yet be heard in the cities
of
And
Jeremiah was right! The children have returned.
Shabbat Shalom
* * *
This study was written by Hillel ben David
(Greg Killian).
Comments may be submitted to:
Greg Killian
1101 Surrey Trace SE
Tumwater, WA 98501
Internet address:
gkilli@aol.com
Web page: http://www.betemunah.org/
(360) 584-9352
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Send comments to Greg Killian at his email address: gkilli@aol.com