A Jewish Wedding
By Hillel ben David (Greg Killian)
A Jewish Wedding
By Hillel ben David (Greg Killian)
What is a Jewish wedding like?
Many marriages were arranged by parents from the
time that their children were infants. Others, however, went through the
following process: At marrying age, the young man might be attracted to a young
woman, or his parents might have chosen an appropriate bride for him. The
procedure could be followed by one of three different parties: the father
making the arrangements for his son, as Samson's father did for him:
Shoftim (Judges) 14:1-10 Samson went
down to Timnah and saw there a young Philistine woman. When he returned, he
said to his father and mother, "I have seen a Philistine woman in Timnah;
now get her for me as my wife." His father and mother replied, "Isn't
there an acceptable woman among your relatives or among all our people? Must
you go to the uncircumcised Philistines to get a wife?" But Samson said to
his father, "Get her for me. She's the right one for me (His parents
did not know that this was from HaShem, who was seeking an occasion to confront
the Philistines; for at that time they were ruling over
An agent working on behalf of the father, as Eliezer
did on behalf of Abraham:
Bereshit (Genesis) 24:1-67 Abraham was
now old and well advanced in years, and HaShem had blessed him in every way. He
said to the chief servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he
had, "Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by HaShem, the God
of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from
the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, But will go to my
country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac." The servant
asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this
land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"
"Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said. "HaShem,
the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native
land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath, saying, 'To your offspring I
will give this land'--he will send his angel before you so that you can get a
wife for my son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you,
then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back
there." So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham
and swore an oath to him concerning this matter. Then the servant took ten of
his master's camels and left, taking with him all kinds of good things from his
master. He set out for
or the young man himself. For illustration's sake,
an example of the last possibility will be used.
A young man went to the home of his potential
bride-to-be. He carried three things with him: a large sum of money in order to
pay the price for his bride, a betrothal contract called a Shitre Erusin, and a
skin of wine. Of course, anyone arriving with these things would immediately be
under suspicion. The man approached the girl's father and older brothers. The
contract was laid out, and the bride-price was discussed. Finally, a glass of
wine was poured. If the father approved, then the maiden was called in. If she
also approved, then she would drink the wine. In doing so, she committed
herself to this man, agreeing to follow the contract that now was a legal
document between the two. They would be called husband and wife at this time,
and their union could only be dissolved by a divorce. However, their status was
that of betrothed, rather than that of fully married.
After the wine had been drunk, the man made the
statement that he would go to his father's house and prepare a place for her.
This place is known as chadar (chamber), sometimes referred to as chupah (or
honeymoon bed with a canopy). From the time that the Shitre Erusin was
ratified, the young woman was consecrated, kiddushin - set apart to her
husband. She has been bought with a price.
I Corinthians
I Corinthians
She must spend her time preparing to live as a wife
and mother in
Meanwhile, the young man returned to his father's
home, and the chadar goes under construction. - The young Jewish bridegroom
would make the following speech as he was leaving:
Yochanan (John) 14:2-3 In my
Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am
going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for
you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I
am.
The room is provided with every comfort, as they
will retire here for one week following their wedding ceremony. We see this
seven day period in:
Bereshit (Genesis) 29:22-28 So Laban
brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening
came, he took his daughter Leah and gave her to Jacob, and Jacob lay with her.
And Laban gave his servant girl Zilpah to his daughter as her maidservant. When
morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, "What is this you
have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn't I? Why have you deceived me?"
Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in
marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will
give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work."
And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his
daughter Rachel to be his wife.
and in:
Shoftim (Judges) 14:10-18 Now his
father went down to see the woman. And Samson made a feast there, as was
customary for bridegrooms. When he appeared, he was given thirty companions.
"Let me tell you a riddle," Samson said to them. "If you can
give me the answer within the seven days of the feast, I will give you thirty
linen garments and thirty sets of clothes. If you can't tell me the answer, you
must give me thirty linen garments and thirty sets of clothes." "Tell
us your riddle," they said. "Let's hear it." He replied,
"Out of the eater, something to eat; out of the strong, something
sweet." For three days they could not give the answer. On the fourth day,
they said to Samson's wife, "Coax your husband into explaining the riddle
for us, or we will burn you and your father's household to death. Did you
invite us here to rob us?" Then Samson's wife threw herself on him,
sobbing, "You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a
riddle, but you haven't told me the answer." "I haven't even
explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I
explain it to you?" She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the
seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in
turn explained the riddle to her people. Before sunset on the seventh day the
men of the town said to him, "What is sweeter than honey? What is stronger
than a lion?" Samson said to them, "If you had not plowed with my
heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."
The young man, if asked when the day of his wedding
will be, replies, "No man knows except my father." In
The groom secured two close friends to assist him in
securing his bride and during the actual ceremony. These two are known as
"the friends of the bridegroom." They functioned as the two witnesses
required for a Jewish wedding. One of them was to assist the bride, and to lead
her to the ceremony, while the other was stationed with the groom. He performed
a special task when the couple retired into the chadar after the ceremony.
During the ceremony, known as Kiddushin, a second
contract was brought forth called a Ketubah. This marriage contract was
witnessed by the friends of the bridegroom and turned over to the parents of
the bride. It contained the promises that the groom pledged to his wife. The
ceremony was very much like the Jewish wedding of today. As at all weddings,
focus was centered on the bride and groom. For this one day they were looked at
as king and queen. Every effort was taken, and every possible expense was made
to insure their joy. On this day, tradition says, their sins are forgiven. They
stand pure, without spot or blemish as they are united.
Ephesians 5:25-32 Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her To make her holy,
cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, And to present her to
himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but
holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as
their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever
hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the
church-- For we are members of his body. "For this reason a man will leave
his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one
flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the
church.
Following the ceremony, the bride and groom entered
the chadar. Here the groom gave gifts to the bride:
Bereshit (Genesis) 34:12 Make the
price for the bride and the gift I am to bring as great as you like, and I'll
pay whatever you ask me. Only give me the girl as my wife."
Bereshit (Genesis) 24:53 Then the
servant brought out gold and silver jewelry and articles of clothing and gave
them to Rebekah; he also gave costly gifts to her brother and to her mother.
The couple spent seven days under the chupah, or
literally in the chamber. The friend of the bridegroom stood at the door. All
the guests of the wedding assembled outside, waiting for the friend of the
bridegroom to announce the consummation of the marriage, which was related to
him by the groom:
Yochanan (John) 3:26-30 They came to
Yochanan (John) and said to him, "Rabbi, that man who was with you on the
other side of the Jordan--the one you testified about--well, he is baptizing,
and everyone is going to him." To this Yochanan (John) replied, "A
man can receive only what is given him from heaven. You yourselves can testify
that I said, 'I am not the Christ but am sent ahead of him.' The bride belongs
to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for
him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine,
and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less.
At this signal, great rejoicing broke forth in a
week long celebration, until the two emerged from the chupah to begin the
actual wedding feast.
Revelation 19:4-9 The twenty-four elders and
the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God, who was seated on the
throne. And they cried: "Amen, Hallelujah!" Then a voice came from
the throne, saying: "Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear
him, both small and great!" Then I heard what sounded like a great
multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder,
shouting: "Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice
and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his
bride has made herself ready. Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to
wear." (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.) Then the
angel said to me, "Write: 'Blessed are those who are invited to the
wedding supper of the Lamb!'" And he added, "These are the true words
of God."
The other friend of the bridegroom, the one assigned
to the bride, is seen in Shemot (Exodus)
19, as Moses leads
Yirimiyah (Jeremiah) 2:2-3 "Go and
proclaim in the hearing of
Even as the first trump (shofar) announced the
betrothal, so the last trump announced the wedding. In Tehillim (Psalms) 45 we are brought to the biblical portrayal of
not only the wedding of the Messiah but also his coronation. The guests are
assembled, and gifts are distributed:
Tehillim (Psalms) 45:1-17 {For the
director of music. To [the tune of] "Lilies." Of the Sons of Korah. A
<maskil.> A wedding song.} My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I
recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer You
are the most excellent of men and your lips have been anointed with grace,
since God has blessed you forever. Gird your sword upon your side, O mighty
one; clothe yourself with splendor and majesty. In your majesty ride forth
victoriously in behalf of truth, humility and righteousness; let your right
hand display awesome deeds. Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the
king's enemies; let the nations fall beneath your feet. Your throne, O God,
will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your
kingdom. You love righteousness and hate wickedness; therefore God, your God,
has set you above your companions by anointing you with the oil of joy. All
your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia; from palaces adorned
with ivory the music of the strings makes you glad. Daughters of kings are
among your honored women; at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of
Ophir. Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear: Forget your people and your
father's house. The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is
your lord. The Daughter of
The following passage shows the glory of the bride
and groom bedecked in all their wedding finery:
Yeshayah (Isaiah) 61:10 - 62:5 I delight
greatly in HaShem; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with
garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a
bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with
her jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds
to grow, so the Sovereign HaShem will make righteousness and praise spring up
before all nations. For
It is interesting to note that the only time, in
Luqas (Luke), that Yeshua speaks of the bridegroom is just before the second Sabbath
of Pesach week (Luqas (Luke) 6:1) in:
Luqas (Luke) 5:30-35 But the Pharisees and the
teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples,
"Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" Yeshua
answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I
have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." They said
to him, "Yochanan (John)'s disciples often fast and pray, and so do the
disciples of the Pharisees, but yours go on eating and drinking." Yeshua
answered, "Can you make the guests of the bridegroom fast while he is with
them? But the time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; in
those days they will fast."
A chupah is:
2646 chupah, khoop-paw';
from 2645; a canopy:-chamber, closet, defense.
This word is used in only a few places in scripture:
Tehillim (Psalms) 19:1-5 {For the
director of music. A psalm of David.} The heavens declare the glory of God; the
skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where
their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words
to the ends of the world. In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun, Which
is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion, like a champion rejoicing
to run his course.
Yoel (Joel)
Yeshayah (Isaiah) 4:1-6 In that day
seven women will take hold of one man and say, "We will eat our own food
and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our
disgrace!" In that day the Branch of HaShem will be beautiful and
glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the
survivors in
It is from here that the sages understood that this
is exactly what happened when the children of
Shemot (Exodus) 13:17-22 When Pharaoh
let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine
country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they
might change their minds and return to
The sages understood that the cloud first covered
the Israelites at Succoth after they left Ramases. So, Succoth was aptly named
by this event.
The sages therefore see this as the betrothal:
Vayikra (Leviticus) 22:32-33 Do not
profane my holy name. I must be acknowledged as holy by the Israelites. I am
HaShem, who makes you holy And who brought you out of
The Sfas Emes[1]
said that this verse should be translated as:
Vayikra (Leviticus) 22:32-33 I shall be
holy in the midst of the Children of Israel; I am Hashem, Who betrothed you
while taking you out from the land of Egypt to be for you a God; I am Hashem.
6942 qadash, kaw-dash'; a prim. root; to be (causat.
make, pronounce or observe as) clean (ceremonially or morally):-appoint, bid,
consecrate, dedicate, defile, hallow, (be, keep) holy (-er, place), keep,
prepare, proclaim, purify, sanctify (-ied one, self), x wholly.
So, a betrothal is a kiddushin. The encyclopedia
Judaica indicates that a betrothal was a two step process. The betrothal,
erusin or shiddukhin, was followed by the kiddushin.
The only time that the word "betroth" is
used in relation to God and
Hoshea (Hosea) 2:16-20 "In that
day," declares HaShem, "you will call me 'my husband'; you will no
longer call me 'my master.' I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips;
no longer will their names be invoked. In that day I will make a covenant for
them with the beasts of the field and the birds of the air and the creatures
that move along the ground. Bow and sword and battle I will abolish from the
land, so that all may lie down in safety. I will betroth you to me forever; I
will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will
betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge HaShem.
Betroth 781 'aras, aw-ras'; a prim.
root; to engage for matrimony:-betroth, espouse.
It is interesting to note that this was close in
time to when
Shemot (Exodus) 12:1-3 HaShem said
to Moses and Aaron in
At the wedding the bride and bridegroom are
consecrated (kiddushin) with these words:
"By this ring you are consecrated to me in
accordance with the law of Moses and
Note the similarity to this passage:
Shemot (Exodus) 19:9-15 HaShem said
to Moses, "I am going to come to you in a dense cloud, so that the people
will hear me speaking with you and will always put their trust in you."
Then Moses told HaShem what the people had said. And HaShem said to Moses,
"Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow. Have them wash
their clothes And be ready by the third day, because on that day HaShem will
come down on
Curiously, this is the first time that the scripture
uses this word regarding His people. He used this term in Bereshit (Genesis) to
describe the seventh day, and he used it to describe the firstborn at Pesach.
Before the wedding the groom required three days to
prepare, according to the encyclopedia Judaica.
Selected Essays:
SHABBAT SHALOM: We're b-a-a-c-k!
By Rabbi Shlomo Riskin
(May
25) "And you will I scatter among the nations, and I will draw out the
sword after you; and your land shall be a desolation, and your cities a
waste." (Lev. 26:32)
The
relationship between God and
The
problem with these words is that we would like to believe that our relationship
to God is an eternal one, yet divorce statistics suggest that contemporary
marriage is more temporary than permanent. Furthermore, add to this fact the
biblical law which forbids a husband from taking back a wife who has committed
adultery, and our metaphor slams the door on the return of Israel to her
Husband in Heaven after having been involved in foreign entanglements!
What
we must do - as indeed the Bible does - is to add to our symbol of husband and
wife a second metaphor: the unique bond between the Israelite and the
One
of the Torah's major motifs, constantly repeated in our prayers, benedictions
and festivals, is the incomparable relationship between the Jewish people and
the Land. Every significant prayer, from the daily amida to the Grace After
Meals, serves as an occasion on which we emphasize the tie between the land and
the people, the people and the land.
The
relationship between the land and the people has a parallel in the relationship
between husband and wife. For example, the people have obligations to the land,
(the Sabbatical shmita year, when the land must lie fallow, and various
prohibitions of mixed plantings, etc.), just as a husband has obligations
towards his wife for food, clothing and conjugal rights. In the sexual
relationship, a wife "gives" herself to her husband, and the land
"gives" its produce to the people. The word used for entering the
land, ki tavo (Deut. 26:1) comes from the same verb used for sexual
intercourse, biya. Regarding the jubilee year, the Torah specifically
says that in the 50th year the land is sanctified, and sanctification (kiddushin)
is the precise mishnaic term for betrothal.
BETRAYAL
between husband and wife results in divorce, and betrayal between the people
and the land also results in divorce - exile. Hence this week's portion, Behukotai,
is known for its chastisements, and at its climax, the Torah delineates what
will happen if the people don't keep the land's sabbaticals: "And your
land shall be a desolation, and your cities shall be a waste. Then shall the
land be paid back her [disregarded] sabbaticals." (Lev. 26:34)
Rashi
even calculates that the 70 years of Babylonian exile correspond to the number
of sabbatical and jubilee years ignored by the people during their 430-year
presence in the land. The land will insist on being paid.
However,
just as the jubilee year guarantees that individual parcels of land are
eventually returned to their original owners and so the land becomes redeemed,
similarly does the Bible guarantee that ultimately the
Thus
the sting of the curses is ameliorated by the eventual affirmation: "Then
shall I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac and so
also my covenant with Abraham will I remember; and I will remember the
land." (Lev. 26:42-43) These verses reflect not only return but
forgiveness. The metaphor of the land holds the possibility of repentance - and
therefore redemption.
Last
week's reading from the prophets (Jeremiah 32) gives this idea practical
significance. Jeremiah is the prophet of doom, who must foretell the
destruction of his beloved
At
first glance, Jeremiah's action defies all logic! How can the prophet who
foresees
But
Jeremiah's action is the ultimate expression of Jewish faith that the
relationship between the people to the land is eternal. Jeremiah demonstrated
by his purchase and "redemption" that it's only a a question of time
before the "children shall come back to their own border" (Jer.
31:16), and that "there will yet be heard in the cities of
And
Jeremiah was right! The children have returned.
Shabbat Shalom
* * *
This study was written by Hillel ben David
(Greg Killian).
Comments may be submitted to:
Greg Killian
227 Millset Chase
Internet address:
Web page:
http://www.betemunah.org/
(210) 277-8649
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Send comments to Greg Killian at his email address: gkilli@aol.com.